We are sad to announce the passing of our dear friend, Humpty Dumpty. Contrary to popular belief, Humpty did not perish by falling off a wall, although he did suffer some minor cracks and leakage after that incident. In actuality, Humpty met his demise at the hands of Miss Muffet, who asphyxiated him with his bow tie because he picked all the curds out of her whey and fed them to Puss in Boots.
Which illustrates what a cheeky fellow Humpty was; he loved nothing more than to play practical jokes on his friends.
I am sure everyone remembers the time that Humpty dropped a frog into Jack and Jill’s pail and Jill was so scared when it jumped out at her that she swung the pail and crowned Jack with it.
Then there was the time when Humpty stuffed a cotton ball into the water spout and Itsy-Bitsy spider was so mad because she had spent hours trying to climb into it before she noticed the obstruction. She went into a real spin about that.
But the best ever was when he painted orange dots on Baa Baa Black Sheep while he was sleeping. The poor lamb woke up and thought he had measles. He quarantined himself under the sycamore tree for days before he got caught in a rain shower and they washed off. He threatened to turn Humpty into an omelette and it took all the King’s horses and all the King’s men to stop him.
You may not know that Humpty was an orphan egg, abandoned by his hen within five minutes of his birth, and he well remembered the kindness of the fryers who raised him at the orphanage.
He rose from his humble beginnings to be the most powerful and illustrious egg in the land, serving the King himself, who has expressed his condolences and says he will miss the deep, philosophical conversations that he and Humpty enjoyed.
Humpty Dumpty was also a passionate environmentalist. Once, in the Kingdom of Tales he tied himself to a large beanstalk to prevent the woodcutter from taking it down with his axe. Afterwards, he was interviewed by a national news network and said he was unphazed by the giant’s threats because, being boneless, he didn’t think they applied to him.
In fact, he so inspired the giant with his bravery that he came down from his kingdom atop the beanstalk and became a gardener, growing giant pumpkins, onions, turnips carrots and beans that he gave away so no-one in the land ever went hungry again.
Humpty leaves behind a wife and three baby eggs, who will miss their nightly bedtime stories of their father’s adventures.
Humpty had a yolk of gold and was a kind friend to everyone in rhyme land.
In accordance with his wishes, scrambling has taken place and Humpty will be composted.
Humpty Dumpty’s family have asked that in lieu of flowers, people donate to the orphaned egg foundation, his favourite charity.
Rest in peace, our beloved Humpty.
Image: Canstock image by Dazdraperma
by angela lovell 