“Those bloody juncos are eating all the bird seed again.”
“Damn cheek.”
“I know, pecking away like they’re entitled. Where were they all winter when we were freezing our feathers off?”
“Sunning themselves in Texas likely.”
“It’s only going to get worse. Just wait until the robins get back.”
“Yeah, they steal all the best nesting sites.”
“All these fair-weather friends make me sick, beaking their way in to ruin our summer.”
“We should do something about it.”
“What?”
“Go on strike!”
“Don’t be daft, then we wouldn’t get any bird seed, and besides, no-one would notice.”
“That’s harsh.”
“Well, you have to face reality, no-one pays any attention to sparrows. We’re just not as exciting and pretty as the summer birds.”
“What are you talking about? Of course, we’re pretty.”
“We’re just muddy brown.”
“We come in lots of colours.”
“Yes, and most of them are shades of muddy brown.”
“Well, perhaps we could ask Owl for advice.”
“She likes to sleep in. You won’t see her before midnight.”
“My head will be tucked up under my wing by then. I know, we could team up with the blue jays, they’re pretty good at intimidation.”
“You do remember they bullied us all winter? They’d be fickle allies.”
“Oh, boy, I never thought I’d be glad to see the damn cat.”
“Careful what you wish for.”
“Those juncos are sitting ducks, hopping around the ground all the time. Real bird brains.”
“Don’t get too smug – didn’t your Auntie Florrie get eaten a few weeks back?”
“Yes, but she had arthritis in her tail and it threw her steering off. She veered into the birdbath and knocked herself out so Clawface found himself a free meal. He didn’t even have to work for it.”
“That’s sad, but I wouldn’t wish that cat on my worst enemy.”
“Well, I guess there’s nothing for it. If you can’t beat them you have to join them.”
“What are you doing?”
“Working out. Gotta build me up some muscle so I can fly all the way to Mexico next winter.”
“And you think flapping your wings up and down is going to build muscle?”
“I’ve got weights on them, see.”
“I see a corn kernel on each one.”
“Yeah, well I have to build up to more weight. I’ll be lifting six kernels by the weekend.”
“What’s that you’re pecking on now?”
“Bird Swole. It’s an energy drink.”
“Where did you get that from?”
“Amazon.”
“The online store?”
“No, the rainforest. Bobolink dropped it off on her way through. It’s the stuff the hummingbirds use all the time. You don’t think they can beat their wings fifty times a second on just water, do you?”
“You know that stuff’s not good for you though, right?”
“Neither is starving. Or having to nest in downspouts.”
“Yeah, but I just don’t think putting all that sugar into your body is a good thing.”
“Oh, please, you were nibbling on a Jujube the other day.”
“Only because I mistook it for a berry.”
“Phew, my wings are tired. Enough of that. I guess it’s plan B after all.”
“And what is plan B?”
“We’re gonna paint each other green and red and pretend we’re budgies. We can spend the winter in the house on a nice, warm perch admiring ourselves in a little mirror with a bell on it.”
“And taunt the cat every day.”
“Best part!”
by angela lovell 